The Marriage MAYDAY – Part 1: “Knowing When To Call For Help”

In the fire service, we are well trained on the subject of Rapid Intervention and MAYDAY scenarios. We train on possible downed firefighter situations and how to extricate ourselves or our brothers.

For the non-fire service reader let’s give a brief summation of a May Day scenario.

A reported house on fire is dispatched and as the fire department arrives they receive a report of a resident who is trapped in their bedroom.  The first due engine establishes command and after performing a 360 takes his/her crew in for the rescue.  Other companies are arriving as the first Battalion Chief assumes command.  The firefighters become trapped as they were searching for the resident and are pinned down by a roof collapse. The downed firefighters are able to transmit a MAYDAY, a call for help, in which this information is received: “MAYDAY, MAYDAY, MAYDAY, we are trapped in the Alpha/Bravo corner of the residence, this is engine 99, we were performing a primary approximately 50’ in, and we will need RIT with a way to cut us out.”  This is called a LUNAR: location, unit & name, assignment, & the resources needed to affect the rescue. When this happens, a Rapid Intervention Team is deployed (RIT). This is a well-trained crew who is situationally aware of the incident. They have conducted a 360, thrown ground ladders for additional points of egress, controlled utilities, and have been attentive to the fire ground radio traffic.  They immediately go in to affect a rescue on those in need. At this point the Incident Commander orders additional resources, continues to fight the fire, and insures fire ground accountability.

What Does This All Have To Do With Marriage?

Nine out of twelve firefighter marriages end in divorce.

That’s right 9 out of 12!

As a profession, we are higher than the national average (which is 54%).  Firefighters face an enormous amount of stress and it often carries over into their personal lives.

What can we do about this problem? Let’s look at from a firefighter’s viewpoint:

Scene Size-Up

As a firefighter, the process of size-up is a continuous one that begins before the rig ever leaves the station. At a fire scene, the Incident Commander (IC) is constantly evaluating the conditions and whether the situation is improving.

In marriage, we should be constantly assessing our relationship. As a husband, I should be continuously studying and learning about my wife. Initially our passions, or fire if you will, are great for each other.

Why do we treat our spouse’s differently after we are married? We shouldn’t stop dating each other after we are married. It is merely the beginning of a lifelong journey.

As we go through life, the conflicts and commitments tend to cause us to focus less on each other and more on the immediate needs/concerns/or problems of life. Couples slowly begin to drift apart due to a lack of attention and care.

A relationship takes a great deal of work and dedication. The couple must be holding on to each other during the hard times or they will drift apart.

Part 1 of 5